I was at an organized Christmas evening at the Alexandra Writer’s Centre Society, a place that includes folks under 18. That night I was asked to read five (I think) minutes of a typical “Friday Free Fall.” My reading, all from the same Friday, was an observational piece about road beauty, a funny romance piece, and a rant. For the rant, my character was complaining that if a teenager lived in the middle of a block that had a library at one end, and a Leisure Centre at the other end, then the teen would complain of being bored with nothing to do.
My ranting character was ornery. But wait—there were kids in the room. Switching into my Boy Scout gear, I chose to preface my reading by saying that I wasn’t talking about kids in our city (where no such block exists) and also I respected how the kids before me “had a life,” such as by attending writer’s groups at the Alexandra.
I don’t think, by being so explicit, I was patronizing the kids, because there is a first time for every concept. I was likely in my thirties before I heard, “Never attribute to malice what can be attributed to stupidity.” Not ever child knows:
Have boundaries for speakers
Have boundaries for the ornery character on the page
It’s not about you
Expect the best
Never assume ill intent
Assume that you are not included, within a broad target, unless told otherwise
For example, if someone —broad target— complains, “Men! Don’t talk to me about men!” I assume, as a courtesy, that I myself am seen as a non-chauvinist—and maybe even as a Sensitive New Age Guy!—unless the complainer explicitly tells me otherwise. Besides, friends know that stereotyping is wrong.
To me, my warning to the kids was not merely because they might not realize yet that “assuming the best” makes a happier world, but also because some kids can be thin-skinned—remember? So far, so good, but what if I was reading to adults of college age, saying for example, “Youth is wasted on the young.”? I think of Barak Obama’s mentor saying that young people genuinely expect to like, and be liked by, everyone they meet. To me this holds true even on campus, after several semesters of culture shock from hearing abrasive ideas. I won’t patronize students.
In fact, the only time somebody was abusive to me at college was an “older generation” lady who, in terms of bizarrely assuming the worst, was a “dirty member of the establishment”—and she often abused others the same way, as a person on student council later told me.
I have been chairman of a for-profit board of directors; I realize there is a place for a mahogany rectangular table, even if the junior executives must perch at the foot where the light of conviction in their eyes is harder to see; I appreciate how King Arthur was perfectly correct to use a round table; and I know of certain things pioneered by the feminists, such as each person doing a “check in” at the start of a meeting.
I was early to a community hall. To set up for a meeting I said, “Let’s put the chairs in a circle, feminist style.” Bad idea! I drew thunderbolts—not from a male chauvinist, but from a woman.
Later, for a “perception check,” I asked a friend. He told me that to some women, “feminist” is a pejorative, like how African-Americans can call each other Negros, but we can’t. I said, “Hmmm.” I decided the lady was piling up assumptions: That I didn’t like feminists, and didn’t like equal rights for women, and didn’t like women in general. Truly, she would have been a happier camper had she “assumed the best.” Did I help that poor soul by explaining myself? No, because given her extremist negative certainty, I didn’t feel we “had a contract” to explore the topic. Therefore no questions to each other, Socratic or otherwise.
Obama’s mentor, Saul Alinsky, in his Rules For Radicals, said, A “question mark” is an inverted plough, for breaking up hard ground. Yes.
Professor Bertrand Russell warned, “If you are certain of anything, then you are certainly wrong…”
My friend is firmly against being thin-skinned while at work… And while being an edited, criticized writer. As for me, I remain resolved to “patronize” kids. This while feeling unwilling to be an “enabler” of “the thin-skinned.”
I won’t be taking responsibility for grown adults.
… …
… …
Sean Crawford
On the wholesome prairies,
May,
2026
Footnotes:
~My Bertrand Russell quote is from a television interview. One can find posters of his quotes. Here’s a link to his written quotes on certainty. https://www.azquotes.com/author/12791-Bertrand_Russell/tag/certainty
~As for misplaced certainty, I think of a general counselling his inexperienced officers. General George Smith Patton often said, “Know what you know and know what you don’t know.”
