This week I mentioned “kind,” and this month I mentioned my Toastmasters club, a club “for public speaking and leadership.” One night, as usual, my club meeting opened with a brief “introduction question.” The chairman asked us to “Please say your name and What are you known for?” In his case, he was known for biking everywhere, even to work.
I answered, “Everyone knows I go to Tim Hortons,” (donut franchise) adding “At the Hortons I go to before work on weekdays, they always brought me a cup one size larger than I pay for; at the place I go to before sunrise on weekends, they often start me off with a free coffee.” When someone said later she wanted to copy my donut shop success I realized that no, she couldn’t. Not unless she was known there for being nice.
When once I ran into two youthful donut servers away from their home town, they were so pleased to see me: “You are our favourite customer, we like how you leave magazines for us to read.” The magazine idea I learned from my brother Gordon.
Hardened old people appreciate nice too: One of my joys in life is going up to Edmonton, the city I first knew back in my sunny youth when I served with the Canadian Airborne Regiment. (At Griesbach Barracks) There I check into a well-known-cheap hotel for a few days, one with the toilets and showers down the hall: The sort of place where you both pay a key deposit and drop off your key every time you leave the building; a place where some of your rough fellow guests find their lives challenging, and in turn they present challenges to the staff. Of course, they are no problem to a former soldier.
The last time I checked in and was trudging up the stairs I overheard the staff going into the back and saying, “…comes up from Calgary, a nice guy.” Given some of the challenges the staff faced, “a nice guy” must have been a nice relief. No wonder the staff always remember me and sometimes tell me what shift they are working.
While the term “sociable” reminds me of salesmen, pretty girls and partygoers, “nice” is surely for everyone: something even shy guys and wallflowers could aspire to master. The Bible’s Simon Peter was loud and sociable—it was his quiet brother Andrew who was nice enough to find the boy with the loaves and fishes.
Can “nice” be learned? I would hope so. Role modelling would work best, I think. I have seen only one book on this common sense trait, but one is all you need: I am thinking of a writer who during the Great Depression ran a profitable night school class on public speaking: Dale Carnegie. By drawing on research and his students he wrote the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you haven’t read it yet—what are you waiting for?
On my good days, my shyness is reduced if I remember my mantra, “Because I am afraid to love, you are alone…” If I’m being less self conscious as my mind is more on being helpful, then I feel more straight and healthy: Living as God intended.
Dale Carnegie wrote, “I am talking about a new way of life.” Maybe like the old man who said he tried to live so that no one came away feeling worse for having met him. Yes.
It seems to me, “getting to nice” is a matter of setting my intention… Everyone I meet during their working hours is, by definition, there because they have to be—and I can help ease their path. As for folks I see on life’s trail outside of work, well, everyone is fighting a silent battle, without flags or bands—and I can help.
Trails are tough. It was the founder of the Boy Scouts, General Sir Robert Baden-Powell, who said, “Some think happiness is from getting; others know it is from giving.”
It’s so common for tired hikers to just look down at their boots. I can offer fellowship, commiserate along the trail, and lift our eyes, pointing out the wonders of the world. I find a side benefit: By having an intention towards what would brighten someone else’s day… I have to become aware of other people’s concerns… while in turn becoming increasingly aware of what brightens my own day. As clerks enjoy me.
Being aware is NOT automatic. Like in writing class when I first had to compose dialogue—I genuinely did not know: I had to grab a novel to “see.”
Looking back, I wonder how many of us go through our years without ever setting an intention of “seeing” the concerns of others. The golden rule can only take you as far as your knowledge goes. As Dale Carnegie said, “I am talking about a new way of life.”
No wonder Baden-Powell had his Boy Scouts doing their daily good turn. Like a good soldier I knew who would get extra toast at the field tent and then ask if anyone wanted some.
In time, with concerted effort, a new lifestyle can become a way of moving nicely through the years.
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Sean Crawford comments are nice,
Down the Queen Elizabeth II highway,
November (2013) 2020
I have just trashed two comments from Russia where they were two lazy or rude to write in English. I used a web translate feature to find out that the comments were about gambling. I guess that explains the lazy and rude.
I have just marked three Russian comments as spam—without even reading them. No doubt gambling or mafia, like last week. Why the lure of easy money? (I ask, after enjoying poker and horse racing) Because Russia, according to two fellows I met in London, is not a free country. Lack of democracy does a number on people’s heads.
Which means that little old Canada (one of the oldest continual democracies) is the largest country in the free world.
Two more Russian spamsters deep sixed.
You know, during the Cold War we felt some competition towards them, wondering if their was was better. Now we know Russia was never Greece, only Egypt: Only some big stuff like rockets and Red Square, all signifying nothing. Monuments surrounded by dust.
At least they had Das Kapita., which will last. For our War on Terror, though, there is just no contest—the terrorists have nothing to offer for the ages. It’s so embarrassing to have an unworthy opponent.
Another comment from the land where everybody loves Putin enough to change their constitution just to benefit him specifically.
The trick is to react right away when a big brother tries to take your lunch money/taxes, or tries to infringe on your personal space/human rights, other laws and the constitution.
The dear leader will try to ease into oppression by saying it’s OK to be unfair/dishonest against a minority such as Jews or in Putin’s case, gays. Better to insist on liberty and fairness for all.
Three more Russian comments deleted. I’m too disgusted to use a cute slang phrase, so I’ll just say deleted.
Stupid country. Nobody I know would ever go be a tourist in Russia.
This, even though Russia’s GNP (gross national product) is about like Italy’s—a splendid place to visit. (Yes, no bigger than Italy’s, so don’t be afraid of Russia)