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I sense that society sees our lives and recreation time as circling around, in support of, our work time. Play hard to work hard. Meanwhile, nearly all the “managing stress” talk in the media fails to mention “coping skills.”
When I was a young man doing job interviews I was often asked, “How do you handle stress?” My answer was an embarrassed confession to occasionally escaping from my high pressure life of unemployment: “I read a western cover to cover.” One day an interviewer leaned forward to exclaim, “You can’t do that on the job!” I hadn’t clued in they meant stress at work.
My boss Elaine was once meeting with me and a client who was interviewing us—scrutinizing me— about a contract. After I had run out of good things to say about myself, Elaine warmly reminded me, “You have great sense of humour!” So there’s an answer for coping at work.
Surely our Puritan culture of colonial times has lasted into our new century, a century where most of us, according to statistics, don’t use up all of our yearly vacation days. This, while over in Europe month-long holidays are normal for even the first year on the job. I am still learning to use my leisure well: To quote the war on drugs “Just say no” to silly cigarettes, but to quote Kipling, “a cigar is a good smoke.”
The media are silent about “coping skills,” while noticing that our 21st century lives requiring us to have activities and skills for “stress management”— like me practising arm curls during happy hour. When I read yet another such newspaper article, I impatiently shake the pages, growling, “Get to the root! Maybe change your working conditions, maybe leave your job!…” Just don’t be that dog in the cartoon in flaming purgatory who, instead of digging an escape tunnel, thinks, “A glass of water would be nice.”
In my days as a wage earner, I never asked my boss for more (nice) hours. In fact, I once told her, “If I need extra hours, then I should just quit, (escape) and switch to a job that pays more.” I would rather diet than admit I need more hours.
These days, a few exotic corporations in Silicon Valley are offering foosball tables, game rooms and very fancy lunch cafeterias. I guess if the computer nerds are spending their lives at the company, then their screens won’t register words like “stress” and “work-life balance.” Meanwhile, a typical company, instead of making their staff’s job or job-site less stressful, will offer perks such as bonuses, cruises and gym memberships— for outside of work.
My own company twists people’s arms to take all their holidays. Perhaps management hopes employees will “grow increasingly better” at using their leisure time. A forlorn hope, because while the Athenians, famously well rounded, would be wise at using their leisure, we sure aren’t.
Back in my college Fundamentals of Leisure class, we learned what studies show: If hours worked, at a splendid weekly wage, fall below a certain number of hours, then people get a second job: As if free time is too stressful. Then again, people used to unemployment, such as Millennials with their “gig economy,” despairing of a Boomer’s rat race world, may differ. Maybe instead of looking to reduce our stress we should focus on our quality of leisure. Like a driver in a skid ignoring the ditch to gaze where he wants to go. Until then, I guess the dream of a very short work week has flown away with the flying cars. So much for robots doing the yard work while Rihanna and I sip mint juleps on the veranda.
Perhaps to be lacking coping skills is to be mildly depressed. As for depression, back when Sir Winston Churchill had his awful spells he would say he was being “visited by the black dog.”
Recently an outfit called Black Dog Institute, in a web article on coping during covid, warns of some not uncommon “poor-coping” habits. Reminds me of my old home:
Nail biting (Two of my sibs had that one)
Excess alcohol (Yes)
Pacing (no comment)
Skipping meals (my mother did that, she never lost weight)
Yelling (At life-altering decibels)
Withdrawal from friends and family (Today, three of my siblings only talk to me when I reach out—then, they talk at length)
Smoking (our kitchen wall, south facing, painted a cheerful morning yellow, acquired an extra layer of that colour)
Meanwhile, the positive coping skills noted by Black Dog, some of which can be employed at work, include activities you might see in lifestyle magazines, and on the web:
Exercise,
Engaging in hobbies,
Deep breathing,
Meditation,
Listening to music,
Connecting with others,
Reading —What? I haven’t seen “reading” as a coping skill before. But it makes good sense—time for another western! Too bad that for these past few months, in my Puritan guilt about being productive, I have been mostly avoiding fiction… And it used to be my best hobby!
With due respect to my Puritan friends, surely I needn’t justify my non-work activities as being good for my character, my resume or my future: Surely I can raise a glass of red wine, helping others to enjoy life “for the sake of the moment”— or, if I still need an excuse, then, as the Athenians would say, “for Dionysius!” …
Happily, I found a clergyman and writer, Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) who gives me permission to indulge in reading crazy fantasy books about wizards. He said, “In things pertaining to enthusiasm, no man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions.” Perhaps he meant playing golf.
… …
… …
Sean Crawford, With a Mount Royal diploma in Leisure Services
Delta Hotel
at When Words Collide
August
2023
Footnote: I have two other essays about my leisure diploma.
Retirement note: I mentioned Millennials. My “get a second job” research may be out of date, as a newspaper columnist, Lorne Gunter recently (August 2) noted that the new economy, with owning a house now out of reach, has seen millennials giving up on the American Dream: “What’s the point of putting in extra time… office politics… corporate ladder… added effort and stress on your family life if you’ll have nothing to show at the end?… Why knock themselves out if they’re never going to be able to afford a house, anyway?” They find their meaning beyond the material.
This year, when people asked about my upcoming retirement, and whether I would feel bored and depressed, in a meaningless life… I replied, “I spent much of my younger days being unemployed and underemployed.” I’ve worked full time for decades, but a free-time lifestyle still feels completely normal to me, as I suppose it is normal for younger people in the gig economy.
Update; Perhaps the reason we don’t have a short work week, even if we work in an automated factory, is something psychological—something unnamed. So speculates a British writer, in July of 2024 when Starmer was a brand new prime minister:
QUOTE I wonder if something else is going on. We are not there mentally – just look at the flak Keir Starmer took for daring to suggest he might sometimes stop work at six on Fridays. Is it possible that we are scared?
What if it turns out we have no intellectual hinterland, that we are impatient carers and rubbish at playing with our kids? What if we don’t want to make healthy food and do weight-bearing exercise and daily cardio – and no longer have an excuse not to? What if our leisure doesn’t turn out to be “noble” and we just spend longer staring at our phones?
We won’t know until we try. There are only six years before Economic Possibilities turns 100; come on, let’s make this happen.” UNQUOTE Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist
