Preface
I often write to Derek Sivers, commenting on his 80 hours of being interviewed on podcasts. (link)
Dear Derek,
Greetings from a “writer.”
Two truths
Derek, I enjoy the truths you say, as they are personally useful. Especially, “How we spend our time reveals our true values.”
And secondly, “It is a mistake to ask ‘Why did you…?’” You said that question puts people on the defensive. Yes, I think not only does the question trigger their ego, make them shaky, but—and I speak from personal experience—they may go blank, forget their “why,”and then, temporarily, feel small and unable to contribute any further to a small group conversation, or to a large group meeting. You suggest it’s better to say, “I am interested in how you…”
Hating fear, I enjoy helping nice people to not be afraid during formal meetings—Did I ever tell you one of my joys in life is handling my fear of being a chairperson?
In a meeting, if someone speaks of “John’s idea,” or asks, “John, why did you say…” —I immediately intervene, chairman-wise, saying: “When the words left John’s lips they fell into the common area, becoming property of the group. It’s not “John’s idea” although it might be “the idea said by John.” He doesn’t own it; he doesn’t have to defend it.”
Of fear and groups
Remember when you are refereeing a game, when one of the teams is your own, and how you turn into a neutral person, approaching the clarity of a zen monk?
(I think the angry myth of the “biased ref” is from guys who have never been asked to referee.)
Well, when I am being a chairman, often I get to be zen-like, which means my brain is “more clear,” which means I may see things the total group is missing. Pretty cool, eh?
Chairing means I get to “balance on my surf board” by helping the group to balance their opposing waves of “approach” and “avoidance…” while slightly overbalancing to keep folks moving forward, moving towards a decision, without me throwing Truth in their face like a wet dishrag… If my clearer mind generates an insight, and if I keep patiently silent, then usually someone else in the group will soon have the same insight, speak up, and suddenly crystallize a surprising new awareness for everyone.
Of fear and time
Years ago, I used to waste life, waste time, what with being a skinny high metabolism boy living among five loud messed up boys, with ambient fear and anxiety, too upset to have “everyday clarity” … Not now. I finally have a voice, a writer’s voice. Now I have fun spending time making essays. Doing so, I get to problem solve, as in: How can I reach the reader, especially for political change, without throwing truth in their face like a wet dishrag? Never mind your misguided English teacher; I am telling you: Truth makes a bad opening sentence. It’s more fun to approach the truth gently through balancing waves.
As good old Hamlet might say, “To write truth early, or to write it late: That is the question.”
As for time and true values, well, it’s hard to be objective about my fun of “approaching” my essay writing versus my “opposing” interests. …Problem: In my life, when I count up my man hours, I find I write only “essays.” Not fiction. I notice, too, my reading hours are mostly nonfiction. Maybe (I say aloud) my True Value is: I don’t care enough to write “fiction.” Not enough to be actually writing it.
At hearing that insight, suddenly putting my life into crystal clarity, no one would be more surprised than I.
…
…
Sean Crawford
Western Alberta
August 2020
