I work with people with disabilities. My supervisor said affectionately, “I can put you with anyone.” That’s because, said a colleague, I always “lean in,” no matter how hard a client is. Yes, and also because clients with challenging behaviours may sense that deep down I respect them. Never, during a confrontation, do I stand with folded arms of disapproval.
Early one morning at my agency I was in a meeting room among the supervisors for a nice functional meeting. We had a round table and stuffed curved chairs on castors. It felt natural for me to move the chairs around to be in a proper circle. Someone commented that a supervisor who was away that day would do so too. Meaning the others present would not. Meaning perhaps I was being “excessively respectful.” I thought I was being normal, but the normal majority would say otherwise.
After work I might go read science fiction and be interested in atomic energy, but socially I am more likely to go hang out with New Agers with crystal energy—because they are safe.
My friend Christina and I went a few times to a science fiction book discussion club. With two of us present, at least I wasn’t a minority of one. We were both uncomfortable because the other readers argued so much: with some ego, some arrogance, some derision, some pompousness, and, in their eyes, such good fun.
Next time, I might advise Christina, “Many Star Trek fans never put on a hockey jersey and shout with abandon while watching their team on TV: This book club might be their only chance to feel passion.” Although at the time I despised their arguing, I must ask: If I have respect and affection, then shouldn’t I meet them where they are at? Shouldn’t I “method act” to argue with the best of them? That might show more respect than me losing energy and going silent.
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Sean Crawford
Trying to figure things out
Calgary
June
2025
