seanessay.com during Friday Free Fall,
writing until the timer goes off.
prompt- let me finish my sentence
The saddest words are “let my finish my sentence!” It’s not very dignified, it shows panic, it shows being at the mercy of another. It shows an emotional sentence with swirling emotions going on. And it’s embarrassing to look back. No doubt ego is involved, and a sense that life, and whoever you are talking to, should be fair.
Fairness is bound to be bound up in what ever topic demands such a sentence. And if one is being prevented from finishing, then it is because the other has a vested interest, or mental defences, or something. Or, if it’s not a friend, an interest in being unfair which is hurtful to one’s human dignity. All one can do, looking back in embarrassment, is see how one could have defused the situation. How? By pausing, I guess; by listening; by being humble; by not in the first place making pronouncements that might trigger a person—although how can you know in advance?
It’s embarrassing, in part, because you end up lowering your estimation of a person or group, and realizing: They are not living up to their potential for fairness, if a friend; potential for being scholarly, if a group of students; for being democratic, if citizens, and as for fellows in Christ…
It’s embarrassing to think one might have hurt their spirituality or connection to a higher potential. And it’s partly my responsibility to meet them where they are at, not to patronize them, but to know my own strength. If they can’t handle something then they are weaker than I, with me having the obligations of the nobler spirit.
It ain’t easy. God knows relationships are complicated and messy. All those assertiveness theories of the 70’s boiled down to walking away if you were abused, but… and that’s a big but.
… …
prompt- say goodbye
Saying goodby… There must be poems and works of art about that. Or are there? I mean, Jesus saying hello to the lady at the well, Mary Magdalene saying hello to angels at the graveside, but where does Jesus or a Prince or Queen ever get painted saying goodby? I can hear a pop culture song in my head, “goodby, my friends, goodby” undoubtably sung in a tavern—does that count?
Does anyone say goodby in J. R. R. Tolkien? The ending of the great trilogy is really drawn out—as it is in the movie version—and understandably so, as three doorstop volumes deserves a final goodby. Oh, we all hated to see the elves sailing away to eternity.
Well, which painting would you hang on your wall: An elf here, or an elf going there? If of a grenadier kissing a village maiden, then “I’m back?,” or “Goodby?”
There’s a reason it’s easier to say “see ya,” or chow,” or “so long for now.” We can handle a delayed “now,” we can’t handle the Great Silence. The Japanese have a word that is more final than goodby, hence James A. Michener titled his Asian tragedy Sayonara.
It might help to remember that goodby translates to “god be with you,” as the Lord is with each of us always. Mother prays. She has all my brother’s letters from Asia. She has joined him and now my sister no doubt has the letters.
A good reply when you are embarrassed, instead of trying to bluff it out, instead of a stupid “thanks anyways” is to say god bless. Or, in my case, “God bless us all… ‘cause some of us sure need it.”
I must admit I have had fights with my brother, errors with my mother. A way to cope is to see life as a fractal, each day is today, a whole day. And as Doctor Who said, “Each Christmas is the last Christmas.” I don’t expect any future to be better; hence I have no regrets for things unsaid. The only thing I procrastinate on is drinking booze to say goodby to things lost. Someday I will.
… …
… …
Sean Crawford
Daytime high is -27 Centigrade,
Nighttime low is -30 Celsius,
Skin can freeze in minutes,
and be careful with your pets.
December
2022
Afterthoughts:
~Maybe I could detach, reduce energy, and softly say, “It sounds like you’re not ready to hear me,” giving them permission to be unfair and myself accepting self-permission to remain silent.
~Sayonara is a thin novel that takes place during the idealistic, flawed post-war occupation of Japan.
Other good thin books by Michener are The Bridges at Toko-Ri and his nonfiction abridged version of The Bridge at Andau. (Excerpt as “free preview” below the picture)
The latter shows why the counterpart to NATO, the Warsaw Pact, was a farce, being NOT of “equal allies together” but of serfs to Russia. No wonder Poland and other nations left the Pact and rushed to expand NATO.
I sure hope Germans, including folks from former communist East Germany, will someday face up to their preventing Ukraine from joining up with former “Russian allies” in NATO. To my mind, by using their veto, Germans sinned.
